Not a fight, a 'duscussion'

So, in usual fashion for when I'm frustrated, Dad and I got into a 'duscussion.' I started talking to him about how ridiculous I thought him and Mom were acting (I didn't use that exact terminology), in regards to slapping me with a curfew, demanding me to ask permission everytime I want to use the car, demanding to know where I'm going everytime I set foot outside the house...it was driving me up the wall.
Prior to this whole fiasco, Mom and I had gotten into a similar 'discussion,' which resulted in me, basically, storming out of the house...there's so much tension been building up between mom and Dad and I that you could cut it with a knife...but heck, why shouldn't they be stressed? Half of their kids are gay, one more of their daughters are finally moving out, they're dealing with another of their kids (me) who'se got SSA, and severe depression and is suicidal, they're a bit financially strapped...I suppose I owe them a little bit more slack than I've been giving.
I finally was able to get off my chest, to Dad, how miserable life was...how an hour doesn't go by where I hate myself, or think about killing myself...it's a freaking terribly scary thought, but it's the truth...I'm suicidal, and that's how it flows...I haven't done anything stupid like cutting, or burning myself, and and I haven't tried to kill myself; I'd say I'm doing pretty dang good. I need to take things one day at a time, like I said in my last entry.
Haven't had any run-ins with porn or masturbation (thank goodness), but that's not to say that I haven't been tempted...gosh. Yesterday I was wound up like a spring, during a lecture on Joseph Smith. I as sitting next to the Elders, one of which is particularly athletic and attractive (thank goodness he's dumb as pie crust, or I might be more attracted to him), and my mind kept running into the gutter...no matter how hard I tried, I just kept on falling into it...bah!

I need to stop beating myself so much for all this...THIS is what's going to oust me in the end...me beating myself up...gah, but I can't get these enticing images out of my head...but they shouldn't be there...BLAH!

So, I just have to say that my best bud (you know who you are) is pretty much the best...nuff said. He called me up to check up on me, and make sure I'm 'being good.' It's stuff like that keeps me sane, knowing that there are people out there, not in my family, who love me. I love it.