Barista to Be

So, today was my first day at work....oh! For those of you less informed, I got a job at a local bakery/cafe, and it pays pretty dang decent....$8/hr! Woopah! I worked from 10 this morning until 5:45 tonight, with no breaks (other than when I had to run a delivery, and the place was VERY nicely air-conditioned, and I got to have a seat on a very comfy (okay, it probiby wasn't that comfy, but I had been on my feet all day) couch....I even got a $5 tip for it! Which is proposterous, because I sped 4 blocks, dropped off the sandwiches, and then waited, quite comfortably, for the check. Ehh, I'm not complaining too much.

On top of all that, today, being my first day, was kind of a trial-by-fire. Thursdays are 'Farmer's Market' day, here in my hometown. All the local farm-owners, bakers, resteraunteurs and peddlers get their wares together, and hit main street from 2:30-6:30pm, and sell sell sell...and can you guess what I was doing? Yes, selling delicious breads. When my new boss came by the stand, at about 5:45, and told me to go home, and to come back tomorrow at 10am (which means that they want to keep me on, essentially), business picked right back up, and I had to help my co-worker out a decent bit before I took off. All in all, we sold LOTS of bread, and I hope Russle, currently my ONLY co-worker (other than the bosses), was able to sell it all off.

When I first met the kid I was sitting thinking "ehh....he's potentially kind of attractive?" But, thank goodness I'm so gosh dang picky...he doesn't have an ear for music, looks younger than I am, when he is, in fact, older, and is a little bit scrawny...also, he's way too unsure of himself, and kind of mumbled a bit while selling at market...heck, he sold like mad tho, so I won't complain! I'm just happy I've decided I don't like him, and think he'd be a really cool buddy. He just won't know about my SSA unless he asks about it (which I dont' think he has the balls to ask).

I got to do alot of sweeping at work today (yes, I'm talking alot about work, but it's leading into my recent dealings, so if you plan on continuing reading, you're a trooper, if not, blah on you)...got to....hah! I swept so furiously and so much that I developed a nice blister, which popped, between my left thumb and index finger...paaaaaainful when washing hands and dishes, which I also did alot of today.

One good thing, though, in my opinion, good comes from having this blister...it makes 'messing up' with the big-bad-M a bit more difficult...which isn't to say that it wasnt possible...but yeah; so that's my confession. I made the 3 days, so I don't have to pay for lunch for the Elders, but I still messed up...with both porn and masturbation (I almost didn't type those two words...just about abbreviated them, for some readers who might be a bit more 'word-sensitive,' but decided that they needed to be put there. Partially because I find both of them such dispicable words, and also because this is MY blog, and I don't have to please anybody else. These are my problems, and I'm dealing with them. You chose to read it, or if I felt comfortable telling you about it, then you'd better be ready for it/you are, in my eyes, ready for it).

CURRENT GOAL:
Make it throught the weekend (thru sunday night) in a flawless manner.
No porn
No masturbation
Read scriptures/pray
Don't just go and screw myself up right after midnight on Monday morning

There it goes. Send me some encouragement, please, I'm sure I'd love to hear it.

I recieved some...interesting and outright frightening counsel from a friend back in Rexburg today. I was talkinga about how much I hated things (I had just messed up), and she said "Well, why don't you just try dating a guy." I was kind of shocked. She's not molly Mormon, but she doesn't seem like somebody who'd be so bold and upfront, especially knowing how homophobic the Church and its members can be...I decided to write down some of my feelings, and bring them to my shrink when I meet with him this next week. I might as well share them here, and then go to bed. I's freaking 2:36, and I have to be up in 6.5 hours.

Encouraged by friend in Rexburg to date guys
- Terrified of what people would think
- Terrified of rumours
- What would my family think?
- I don't think I'd have the inhibitions to stop myself from having sex?
~ Breaking Temple Covenant
~ Excommunicated/Disfellowshipped
- Get kicked out of school
- Career - College = no $
- Want a family/kids etc.

Believe in church
- I've felt the spirit
- Had a want to go on a mission
~ Because of parents? Make them proud? Mantain the "golden child" mentality

One last comment...I get free bread at work, so it makes me happy...and free pastries, and free lunch in the form of sandwiches....booyah.

~Sleep.