How to Be Dead

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride
"How to Be Dead" - Snow Patrol
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I dont know how they've done it, but Snow Patrol has seemed to come up with the key track to the soundtrack to my life...

So I found out, tonight, that the 'boy' I'd been contemplating as a possible relationship is taken...he was 'involved' with somebody else, and then hopped to someone else...I kind of fell through the cracks as a possible relationship...which is most likely an extremely good thing for my current situation. I need to get back to school...I need to date girls...I need to not be fantasizing about boys. The thing that kind of jabs me in the side, was that when he had spilled the beans, I felt SO JEALOUS. Why? Because this was a bonified crush...that's what my problem is...gyah.

There are people starting to draw conclusions about me. People are guessing my "dirty little secret" left and right...and that makes me half-prone to just tell people. Other people come to conclusions where they dont know a THING, but compare my situation to willingly lying down on train tracks, with a speeding train approaching at full tilt...It'd be hard for me to explain without posting what they said specifically....aww, heck, why not...:

" 'Peculiar Mormon' needs to talk to me someday cause I still have his little Japan present. I wonder if he'll keep being crazy for the rest of his life, or if he'll decide to wake up one day."

and 'Peculiar Mormon' wrote this:

"I guess I'm truly crazy, aren't I?
Not everyone can live in the bubble of 'everything is peachy.' Some people have real-life problems, darling...I am one."

I suppose he means I live in a bubble of "everything is peachy". I wonder why he would assume that about someone. Funny enough, his life currently sucks because of his choices, so I guess he smashed his peach himself.

It's like, he decided to go lay down in front of a train and say. "You guys just don't understand what it's like to see the train coming." And we all go, "'Peculiar Mormon', you're being stupid, Buddy, there's a train coming." People like (FRIEND) grab his little hand and try to pull him up, but he just bats them away. He doesn't want help, and he makes snide comments when we say anything about it. "You guys are so mean for calling me stupid! I have a problem here!" People like (OTHER FRIEND) say, "'Peculiar Mormon'! Stop eating little pills and get off the frickin' railroad!" Then he looks at us, and he looks at the train, and he gives a pitiful little moan and lays his head back down. "It's such a big train. You guys wouldn't know. Look at you, you don't have a train headed toward you!"

Real life problems.
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Almost makes me want to take a 3 hour car ride, and commit fratricide.