The Shortest Green Lights in Town

I'm actually feeling decent today. I just got back from a doctor's appointment, and he game me more samples of my medication (so I don't have to pay anything...wooo!), and an Rx for some Ambien so I can get some decent sleep (at the proper times). I'm surprised that I've rebounded so quickly from my last "temptation breakdown."

3 days ago, I think it was, I had a lapse of control, and gave into the flesh...in short...porn/masturbation binge. Bluntly put...nuff said. As would be predicted, the following day, I felt like complete crap, as with the day after. Actually, yesterday wasn't too entirely bad either. I ended up talking to a friend who lives nearby and told him that I wanted to get out of the house, so he told me to bring my computer over, and that we'd work on it (it needed a good reformatting), and hang out some. I was over at his house from about 1pm to 2am yesterday, but fun was had by all, and we got my computer working (after about 5 hours of banging our heads against the desks).

I think that right now, I needed even more humbling than I had been recieving (given my current status, I feel pretty pitiful and 'humbled,' but apparantly, I've got more to work on than I before allowed myself to recognise). I feel actually in a position where I'm inclined to read my scriptures for a change, and actually prayed (even if it was while lying on my back in bed) last night. Those are things that've been much to few and far inbetween. I'm going to try to get myself back onto them, and today is my starting date.

Word around my house lately has been of retreating to Rexburg sooner than planned. My mother seems to have some hidden itinerary cooking, as she keeps on making the looming 'leaving' seem more close than far...to which I'm really not complaining at all. I'd like to get out of this town as soon as possible, and back into the reach of so many good friends, but as a precursor, I want to get myself stabilized back in the Gospel (somewhat, at least), and get some money in my pocket...and have some transportation. Right now, I have absolutely NO clue on how I'm going to get back to Rexburg. My therapist called my mom and told her that I needed to get out of here soonish, and that 'having some transportation around town might not be a bad idea either,' IE: give me the car...an idea that the parental units were prevously opposed to, though I think they're starting to cave a little bit on the idea.

The prospect of having the car at school opens diverse new possibilities to my social circles, but at what cost to family? I feel like a huge prick pulling the "I'm suicidal, so give me the car" card, but I'm kind of doing it anyway. . . . . . . . . .

Anyway, I'm going to go and read some of the Book of Mormon, and then play some videogames, as I don't work again until Saturday...gosh, I need more hours.