Hermitage...the life for me.

So, rather than look at porn tonight, I've decided that I need to update this thing all-freakin'-ready! Sorry for the delay. Really, I have NO reason not to have posted...a bit has happened, and I've done absolutely nothing...so yeah...no excuses for me.

I'm just going to flit about randomly talking about things since last I posted.
THIS LAST SUNDAY
Damn you, shared-major-boy...DAMN YOU! This last Sunday was definately rough...no fun for teh Peculiar Mormon. First off, the day before, I had given into a large masturbation-binge...mlerf...but no porn! YAY ME (kinda....). I won't say how much, but I'll just say we can suffice to call it a "binge." So by the time I went to bed, I had that under my belt (no pun intended), and was feelin' kind of guilty...and it's so frustrating, because I KNOW it's wrong, but I still continue to do it. I've managed to stave it off in the past...why am I not now? Weakness...one of the many banes of my existence! So anyway...Sunday morning-afternoonish swung around, and so did the sacrament. I came into church, found Lizanator, and sat down with her, hoping to keep my head down in my nice new sweater, and hoping to remain unnoticed...if I managed that, then MAYBE I could manage all my meetings at church that day...but low and behold...one of my roomates, also the ward executive secretary (love the kid to death; we watch WWF and have a riot) asked me to help with the sacrament...I really didn't feel like I should have/that I wanted to in my far-less-than-statuesque-priesthoodly-example state...but what was I going to do? Make a quazi-big scene? Say that I wasn't going to, and have even MORE people in the ward stare me down? That, and I didn't want to let my roomate down...so I relented, and helped pass..."please don't let shared major boy be up there too...please don't let shared-major boy be up there too..." I said to myself...and if he was, "don't look at him" would have been my mantra. And guess WHO gets asked to say the opening prayer? That boy with facial features so defined they could cut diamonds...BLAST! Oof...his face.....gruh.....no...fight the thought.
So yeah...as if sacrament meeting couldn't get any worse, and I couldn't feel any more crappy about myself, take a wild guess at the topic of all the talks in Sacrament meeting...that's right....MISSION SERVICE! Okay, it was on 'missionary work' as well, but what really can you do for the 'missionary effort' while at a church school, I mean really? I am nice to my roomates, I clean the kitchen for them, there...service done. Actually, I really DO need to try to find some more ways to serve around here. I think it'd keep me away from the porn, and keep my hands busy with something other than....well, yeah.

I got called to be our FHE Dad...how awkward is that? Me...a calling already. When the member of the bishoprick called, I told him I'd be working alot, but it sounded good...he asked if there was anything that I needed to talk to the bishop about, and I said no...really, I don't feel like there IS, other than maybe the fact that I want his suggestion on who he might refer me to as a therapist...see if he can offer me any advice when it comes to keepin' on the straight and narrow.

I stay up toooooooo laaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Liz, I love you. You are like, my favorite...I love that I can go over to your apartment, and now that everybody know's I'm a big gay boob in your apartment, I can come and complain and put my head in your lap, and have my head scratched, and have your roomates give me kudos for not having a boyfriend, and wanting a wife.

But I'm sick of stavin' it off...not that I want a boyfriend. I KNOW that that would lead me nowhere. I wish that I just didn't like ANYONE...I could have all the friends in the world...just not get romantic with any one person...and then I could completely devote my life to my artwork, and learning 5 languages, and I could own a dog, and have HIM be my companion...or...

I could just go and be a hermit in the woods like I've been fantasizing about lately.