SMB In the Know
So, I don't know what entirely came over me...Mayhaps it's the fact that he's leaving BYU-I in 7 days, maybe the fact that I won't see him again for 2 years (or never again), or myabe the fact that I felt like I could really connect with him, but Shared Major Boy knows that I'm gay now...I tried, multiple times, to push the subject, but ended up getting dodged. He knew I wanted to talk about something...I finally wouldn't let him jump away from it.
"You know how I've talked about having deep emotional issues, right?" I stammered,
"Don't go and tell me you're gay, or something like that..." He replied.
"....actually.............."
Silence
"The fact is, though, that I don't want to be," I tried to sound reassuring.
So now, the kid that I felt most connected to, lately, moreso than distant-roomate, knows too...and he was one of the few people I was concerned about...things are smooth on the exterior. I made it known to him how insecure the whole thing makes me...and how much I want to be "normal," and how I really want him to still be my friend. Call me smother-y, or clingy, but I really can't let this kid get away. He's like my bizarro, only not evil. My doppleganger, without being an actual part of my soul...he's like the brother that I've always wanted.
I guess I'm just insecure, and waiting to see how things boil over, in this next 7 days...and if he ends up writing me/me writing him down in Brazil.
More to come.
posted by Peculiar 'Mormon' at 4:55 AM
5 Comments:
That picture is creepy.
Is that what SMB looks like?
I hope everything works out so you have a good pen pal for the next two years.
24 February, 2006 13:11
just the fact that they leave for two years leaves me feeling insecure... the distance. time. i guess i just have issues.
heres a funny story completely unrelated to smb but entirely related to missionaries...
i was magnificently dear johned by a missionary this last week.
didnt know that was possible, now didja?
well, apparently it most definitely is and the whole situation is now turning into what seems like a sitcom cliche. in mormon land that is.
but honestly! how backwards this whole scenario seems.
good ghandi.
hope everything works out smoothly this next week.
25 February, 2006 00:05
Im sure you have nothing to worry about, if hes really a true friend he'll be ok with it. I know, its totally cliche, but you know its true. If he got to know YOU he shouldnt have a problem with it.
25 February, 2006 00:16
If I were you, I'd prepare to be disappointed. Don't mean to be Mr. Negative, but he's going to be busy. I didn't write anyone but my parents nearly my entire mission.
In addition, many guys feel uncomfortable around gay guys -- for no apparent reason. But, like a previous person said, if he's a true friend he'll stick around.
Keep us updated.
25 February, 2006 04:26
he'll write you.
missionaries write.
its what they do.
and they do it well.
you wont be dissapointed.
26 February, 2006 19:43
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