And Things Will Work Out in the End

I really can't hide any longer.

This last week has been one of the best of my life. I've been elated, crushed, edified, chastised, loved, aroused, terrified and reassured all within such a short span of time, it feels like it's been years. I've been in love, and been loved.

Having someone to validate your existence is an amazing thing...having someone to be strong for, having someone who's strong for you. Having someone who thinks that you're enough, and somehow communicates that to you, on an almost spiritual level, is something that can't be explained, only experienced. Having such a longing for someone that you're willing to try your hardest NOT to get sexual with them is something that I have to treasure, and cherish.

He is my knight, I'm his prince, and, while I suppose this is kind of a love behind the King's back, I'm willing to make it last, and make it not cheap.

I've been telling myself over and over that if I can manage to somehow stick it out through this mortal existence, maybe, somehow, the two of us will be able to express our love for eachother as strongly as we have the need in the next life. There is ternal progress in the highest degree of glory (which I doubt my getting into), and eternal love. We'll all be with those that we love most, granted they make it there as well, and we'll be able to love them eternally...I just hope that I can love him as intensely as I hope, in the next life.

This has, previously, been a blog of wallowing...granted, it most likely will continue to be. It's been a place for me to spew out my discomforts and sadness...a place for me to long for what I now have, and can only hope that it gets better. I'm not saying that things are going to chane immensly, but I can tell you that right now, I am in love, and I'm willing to make it work on a spiritual level.

Talking to my therapist, we discussed how this sort of extremely deep friendship can help some men, who choose that marriage isn't the option that is most logical for them, remain celibate, or who knows...It may even be that with the help of love, I'll be opened up to loving more openly...allowing more people's love to touch me. Heck, I might even be able to end up marrying a woman....right now, though? I'm just going to remember that I've got time. I'm still very young, and marriage isn't needed in my immediate future...nor is sex. I love him, and he makes me so excited, but we've both made covenants. We're going to do our best to uphold them.

We're walking a tightrope like the one displayed above, but I've got pretty darn good balance...at least, I have in the past. Both literally, and figuratively speeking.