Karma?

Life has been mostly nothing but stress for me since last I posted. Stress, and Love. Violence and Fashion. Fusion and Distraction.

To start, the weekend with the one that I love more than any other was fantastic. Cathartic. A bit chaotic in the end, but he makes me a better person, and we're trying to keep things not-too-physical so as to keep ourselves out of trouble. We both want to make this last, and us ending up having sex, I think, would only put a huge crack in the foundation of our friendship.

After that, though, everything that could go downhill, went downhill.

Let me begin, in bullet points, explaining what has become the biggest Karmic Disaster in the history of Peculiar Mormon:
· I've been working at my job for a month and a half, and still no paycheck...wtf?
· The school denies my application, due to the fact that I didn't have my Bishop's signature AND my Stake President's on it (I assumed that just my stake president's signature was fine enough)
· The construction company working on our roofing rapes the side of my car with their damnable generator, causing a huge scratch in my passenger side door...GUH!
· My ever-receeding bank balance is currently at $19.53. It's already ben charged 2 overdraft feels of $32 due to stupid companies not turning in their bills on time, or whatever the crap they do to get the money off my account...I'm expecting yet another overdraft fee, which will plummet my bank account to $-12.47....and then another overdraft fee will come, and oodelally dolly what a day...I'll be the debtmeister.
· My apartment has been spewing human waste on and off this week....the septic tank or plumming, or something, must have backed up, because there was one and a half (1.5) inches of HUMAN WASTE water on my bathroom floor...TWICE (2x). My shower was unusable, my toilet? disgusting! And what's worse the kitchen started to upchuck onto the floor as well.
·On Friday, while driving a co-worker home from work, I got pulled over for speeding down main street. I can blame that, somewho, I was unconsciously trying to get her home in time for curfew, or that I really wasn't paying attention...the latter is the more true of the two statements.
·Yesterday I finally ran out of my medication...I got to walk around with a migrane, and fearing open spaces and large crowds....that, and being overly cynical and just hating people outright...

Since the start of the new week, things haven't been the perfect picture, but they've, at least, been a little bit better. My parents have put, total $170 dollars into my account, but the amount has been fangoriously devoured by overdraft fees, and overpriced antidepressants. Right now, I don't even really have money enough to buy some basic groceries...how am I expecting to get to Provo this weekend?

Paycheck. I've been repeatedly promised that my paycheck would come at xx/xx/xxxx date, but haven't seen a penny of my earned cashes...I finally took matters into my own hands, and got in contact with the corporate office...and they were just as uncooperative as my managers (big surprise, right?)...upon telling them of my overdrafts and lack of ability to pay for my expenses, and asking if there were any form of compensation possible, they pretty much just turned me down. "That's most likely not going to happen."

The reason for the lack of pay was, it seems, traced back to my managers. They didn't give me my W-2 form to fill out until about a MONTH after I started working...ergo, the corporate office really didn't know I existed until about 2 weeks ago. BAH!!!

Oh well....I should be getting 3 paycheck's worth of money from the theater, and one paycheck from the Opinion Center. I've turned in my 1 week's notice there, because the work is absolutely menial and meaningless...calling people, administering surveys, being constantly sworn at and hung up on, and having to mantain composure and a sickeningly happy phone-voice? I don't think I want to deal with that any more.

So now here I am...foodless...virtually pennyless...just got home from work, mom called. It makes me freak out...no longer is mom one that I go to when I'm stressed out, because she's the one who stresses me out now. She's always reminding me of the things that I'm working on, and makes it seem urgent that I finish whatever task...dad's the one that offers any comfort now, or calls with the intent of encouraging me and succeeds. The positions have switched, and I'm all bas-ackwards.

I came close to hurting myself this last week...It was my love that I have to thank for alleviating some of my stress, and making me feel like I was worth more than self-injury. Gosh, I love that boy...It's only when I reallize that there is someone that really truly loves me, that I feel like I'm somewhat okay. I know that he loves me, even when I'm weak, and end up looking at porn, or do something stupid...I love him with every ounce of strength that I posess, and sometimes I just slip and fall...and that makes me okay. I get nothing but understanding from him. I know how overly gay it sounds, but humor me. He's my Knight.

I need to get to Provo as soon as I possibly can...Be closer to my Knight, and out of this horrid apartment complex, which spews refuse and offers no cooling in the summer months!

I think that's enough out of me for today.