Elaborate Waiting Game

Life, as I now know it, is nothing more than an elaborate waiting game. Waiting for thirty...the ten-years-from-the-destruction-of-my-so-called-life mark. It's January 18, 2016 when things might actually wrap up.

I actually went to church today. I was freaking out...had to consciously stop myself from tensing up while I sat there. That's the only way I know that I know it's not all in my head...that unconsciously i was freaking out.

I walked home.

I found myself closing my eyes as I crossed the crosswalk, muttering to myself "please hit me, please hit me, please hit me."

I'm a mess. Admitting it is the first part of the problem right? Well, I've got alot of luggage.